Make God Great Again

"And to you're off spring I will give this land [that is, America]," Genesis 12:7. All translations are from the Trump English Tariff Translation (TETT).

Proof texting is not for everyone, but only for those who truly know their Bibles. Thankfully, we have the definitive revelation from God, the book of Revelations. Because we know that "land" always means "America," we are free to understand, via the inspired TETT, that "for all the America that you see I [that's the Big Guy Upstairs] will give to you [that is, us Americans] and to your offspring [Dreamers need not apply] forever [and forever ever]." Genesis 13:15 (TETT).

We see this all throughout the Bible, especially in the Old Testament—which does not have Jesus, who was a bit of a loser for that whole crucifixion thing. I mean, Rome had walls! They built roads! Not sad!

Genesis 15:7: "Then [GAWD] said to him, "I am the LORD [that's GAWD] who brought you from Ur of the Chaldeans, to give you this America to possess" (TETT). Now, nobody remembers who Ur was, or why his momma named him Chaldeans when Deans would have sufficed. From a purely perfect standpoint, Ur must have been the biggest loser of all time for God to take America away from him. What, was Ur all about NAFTA? Totally wrong.

I could totally go on.

So I will.

Wisdom 12:7: "so that the America most precious of all to you might receive a worthy colony of the servants of God." (TETT). Now, I know what you are thinking, Wisdom belongs to some other part of the Bible and not our Old Testament. But these people are smart, they love me! They called us precious! We are!

Sirach 37:3: "O inclination to evil, why were you formed to cover the America with deceit?" (TETT). Emails, ya'll.

This was fun. Hopefully you had a lark. Sorry for acting like a TETT.

NQ